As of tomorrow, I will be half-way through the semester. God has been teaching me so much since I've come to school. I've had so many days of feeling utterly helpless, but God shows me His faithfulness every day. I'm always amazed by how things seem to work out. During my lowest moments people seem to come out of the woodwork to encourage me. I'm so thankful for God's provision and faithfulness to me!

I've decided that I will be transferring closer to home at the end of the semester. This school is great for some people, but I've learned that the academic rigor for which this college is known is NOT for me. I certainly want to learn and get a good education, but I also want to do more than just study all the time. Anyway, I'm very much looking forward to being closer to home again! It will be wonderful to be able to be more involved at a church again, to see my family and friends more often, and to going to a school that will hopefully be a better fit for me! :-)

Once again, God has been bringing Romans 5:3-5 has been on my mind. What an encouragement it is to be in the care of our great God!

"...endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

Would you please pray for me? I'm really struggling with loneliness and homesickness right now. I know the Lord will use this challenging time for my good, and I am trying to in Him for strength. Even so, I'm having a difficult time and would appreciate prayers!

So, I thought I'd better write an update to say that I am still homesick but generally doing well. I'm starting to feel a bit more adjusted here at school, and God has really provided me with a lot of peace in the midst of stress. School, for whatever reason, sends me spiraling into an abyss of anxiety, but I've been praying a lot and that has helped. I'm not sure what it is that I'm so afraid will happen to me if I get a poor grade...hmmm...I keep telling myself that all I can do is my best, so that's what I intend to do. I have 2 papers due next Friday already, one on Plato's "Apology" the other about the ancient Hebrews. This will be a busy weekend!

Homesick, Take 1!

I really want to go home.

Changing Times

The summer is wrapping up, and soon--that is, 2 and a half days from now--I will be leaving my home of nearly 20 years and heading to college. Much to my delight and surprise, this year off before college that I was "forced" to take turned out to be probably one of the best years of my life. God blessed me richly with wonderful friends, two great jobs, and fantastic co-workers, all of which helped the year really fly by. I'm still not in great shape physically, but I've learned some things this year to help manage my situation, which puts me in better standing now than I was a year ago.

Saying good-bye is hard. I have some dear friends who I will miss terribly, and parting from them for this time has been difficult. It is encouraging to know that the joy I've had in spending time with these friends is just a tiny taste of what's in store for us as believers. What a wonderful thing to look forward to!

Time to go continue packing...

Romans 5:3-5 has been on my mind lately...

"...endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

Oh my! I haven't posted anything in over a month!...not that anyone reads this...*ahem*

Ah, where to begin?!? Well, I suppose the most pertinent information is that I just found out that I will be receiving a wee little music scholarship to Hillsdale for the next four years. Every little bit helps I suppose. I'm very much looking forward to being there in the fall. Now to figure out how to finance it... :-P

I landed another coffee shop job for the summer! Hurray! I start tomorrow, and I'm pretty eager to be around coffee again! Depending on how many hours I can get there, I may or may not try to look for another job. We shall see.

Hillsdale Audition

I had several people ask how my audition at Hillsdale College went last weekend, so I thought that I would respond here. (As an aside, I am running a temperature right now, so please excuse me if I make no sense...)

I had a pretty good feeling before last weekend that I would like Hillsdale College. Now, after having seen the campus and met some people there, I would say that "like" is definitely a gross understatement. I LOVED IT!!! All the people from the school were very nice and helpful. All of the guys held doors for me and knew how to be polite in general (their mothers deserve BIG bouquets of flowers), and all of the girls that I talked to were very, very friendly. This is such a stark contrast to any of the schools that I looked at last year, with the exception of UMKC (the people there were quite friendly as well), and it was very refreshing. I didn't get a chance to walk around and explore the campus as much as I would have liked (it was pretty drizzly and gray out last weekend), but I did get a good look around the music building. I must say, it is very lovely. The practice rooms are quite nice! We drove around campus a bit before and after my audition, and I liked everything I saw. The campus is a nice, very manageable size. The town of Hillsdale is also very pretty and quaint, and I'm sure it will be even nicer once the leaves are on the trees and everything is green again.

My audition went about as well as it could have really. Of course there is a laundry list of things that I wish I could do over, but as a whole I felt like everything went really well. After coming out of my ballet audition at IU last year I felt like I wanted to cry and then maybe throw myself off a bridge. It was so nice to come out of this audition with much more positive feelings. After I finished I felt even more excited to go to school at Hillsdale than I did before. The faculty that were present for both my piano and viola auditions were very, very nice and they talked to me a good deal, which was a great relief before auditioning. The head of the music department talked to me the most, and he encouraged me to participate in the dance program at Hillsdale in addition to the music program. Providing that my knee ever gets better, I will certainly be as involved as I can in dance at Hillsdale. Their program looks like it has some neat things to offer!

I'm very, very grateful to finally have found the school for me! I came out of all of my auditions last year feeling like I didn't really fit at any of the schools. After visiting Hillsdale I had a very peaceful feeling, like I could really see myself there. I didn't have any feelings of dread about spending the next four years of my life there, nor any disappointment that it wasn't what I thought it would be. Everything I saw at Hillsdale I liked, and now I'm feeling extremely excited to be there next fall! I'm grateful that God interrupted my plans this year and sent me down a different road. I'm so excited for the fall! :)

Believe me, if all those endearing young charms,
Which I gaze on so fondly today,
Were to change by tomorrow, and fleet in my arms,
Like fairy-gifts fading away,
Thou wouldst still be adored, as this moment thou art,
Let thy loveliness fade as it will,
And around the dear ruin each wish of my heart
Would entwine itself verdantly still.

It is not while beauty and youth are thine own,
And thy cheeks unprofaned by a tear
That the fervor and faith of a soul can be known,
To which time will but make thee more dear;
No, the heart that has truly loved never forgets,
But as truly loves on to the close,
As the sunflower turns on her god, when he sets,
The same look which she turned when he rose.

~ a poem by Thomas Moore

I've noticed a trend: the pictures I take never have people in them. Is this a bad thing?

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, OR WHO BECAME HIS COUNSELOR? Or WHO HAS FIRST GIVEN TO HIM THAT IT MIGHT BE PAID BACK TO HIM AGAIN? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things To Him be the glory forever. Amen. ~ Romans 11:33-36 (New American Standard Bible)

One year ago, I was auditioning for ballet programs at three colleges, and struggling mightily with some puzzling medical problems. Last February, I started to make plans to attend my 3rd choice school, and by April I decided to give up my scholarship to college and take a year off because of the medical problems I was ( and am still) having. This past December I injured my right knee, completely taking me out of ballet and further confirming that I will not be a professional dancer.

This year, God has been teaching me a lot--I mean A LOT-- about patience and contentment. Last spring I didn't understand why God would take something as precious as ballet away from me and why I was being forced to delay college (something I had looked forward to since my sisters left home). Now, I feel so fortunate to be able to see already just how much God has been and is working in my life this year. He has shown me that what I wanted was not in His plan, and through my disappointment and struggles He has provided for me in so many wonderful, unexpected ways. First, I have been blessed this year by becoming acquainted with some wonderful Christian people who I am delighted to call my friends. It has been such an encouragement to me to have good Christian fellowship! Second, since injuring my knee and being forced to lay aside my dancing for the time being, I have been provided with opportunities to play my viola again. This has already proved to be quite enjoyable for me, not to mention helpful in preparing me for my upcoming auditions. And third, I received my acceptance letter today to a college that I fell in love with as soon as I heard about it. It has many, many classes that are of interest to me and opportunities to pursue some of my other interests, including opportunities to continue to dance. I intend to major in English lit, and this school seems to have a wonderful program in that area. It also has a good classics program, and it offers French. Things can change in an instant, but right now everything seems to be falling into place for me to go to this school next fall. I'm so excited, I can barely sit still.

God is gracious, and I don't deserve such wonderful gifts! I am so profoundly humbled by how He has provided for me and am grateful that His will is not mine. Thank you, Lord!

Given the events of the day, I found this to be quite appropriate.

http://despair.com/changewinds.html

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Here are some photos (unedited) that I took with my "new" camera. I really like the ones with the twinkly lights. My friend let me use a special lens to get that effect...I'll have to get one myself.

I have an addiction. It is called "buying books". I have nothing against libraries, but I much prefer to have my own copy of the book(s) I'm reading. I just bought Barnes and Noble editions of "Nicholas Nickelby" and "Tess of the D'urbervilles" from Amazon.com (the latter is a recent addition to my reading list which may have to take the place of "Nicholas..." temporarily as he is currently out of stock at Amazon). I am now fluctuating between having serious "buyer's guilt" and then justifying my purchases with the rationale that I need these books in order to successfully complete my reading list. I think Erasmus said it best:

"When I have a little money, I buy books; and if I have any left, I buy food and clothes."

This year I'm going to do what everyone else I know seems to be doing and compile a reading list for the year. I think I have a pretty good start on it but if anyone has any recommendations for me I'm open to suggestions! Hopefully having a visible list will help keep me on track...hopefully...

*****

Here is my reading list (rough draft) for 2009 (I'm a slow reader, hence the modest list):

• The Six Wives of Henry VIII - Alison Weir
• The Children of Henry VIII - Alison Weir
• Knowing God - J.I. Packer
• A Case for Amillenialism - Kim Riddlebarger
• Rose From Brier - Amy Carmichael
• The Great Divorce - C.S. Lewis
• Islam Unveiled: Disturbing Questions About the World's Fastest-Growing Faith - Robert Spenser
• Nicholas Nickelby - Charles Dickens